Threesomes

Three times the pleasure, three times the fun, or just three times more trouble than you need right now?

The threesome (AKA the menage a trois) is a very common fantasy. Three people (any combination of males or females) having sex with each other in a kind of 'mini-orgy', if you like. The big question is whether you should you act on this fantasy, or just file the idea away with a big box of tissues for a rainy day.

What's your motivation?

The most common reason for wanting one is the idea of trying something new, and having more to look at and feel. Some people want to have twice as much attention as they normally get during sex. Others may be drawn to threesomes because it's 'forbidden', or just because of the idea of horny sex without romantic attachment.

The wrong attitude

Some people try to push reluctant boyfriends/girlfriends into threesomes that they don't really want to do. Sometimes it's a selfish power trip, and sometimes it's just an excuse for being unfaithful without getting dumped. Think very carefully about any partner who doesn't respect your feelings - do you really want to be in a relationship with someone like that? Agreeing to take part in a threesome to breathe life back into a failing relationship, or to stop your partner from leaving you, is probably going to backfire.

It can all go horribly wrong...

Problems are most likely to arise when two of the people involved are in a long-term relationship together. You may be in for a nasty shock when insecurities ('she wants an extra partner because I'm not good enough in bed') or jealousies ('he wants her more than he wants me') blow up. You could also find out that your so-called straight partner is really gay or bisexual, but hasn't got around to telling you about it. Yet. And you could end up with one person you really fancy, plus a right minger, who you obviously don't.

Safety first

If you do decide to throw caution to the wind, don't forget about safe sex. As always, keep your wits about you and be careful if you decide to get it on with people you don't really know. Trust your instincts and don't take risks with your personal safety.

So, how do you do it?

Some people try threesomes with their friends, some people advertise for partners, and others go to swingers' clubs and parties. As for the actual sex, there's no 'right way' or running order for proceedings, so you just have to use your imagination and make it up as you go along.

Preventing the fall out

We've already established it's more to do with lust than a loving relationship, so don't have any romantic expectations, and you won't be disappointed in that area. Oh, and never involve someone that you work with.

Related Links

Contraception overview

Fetishes

Unfair sexual demands

Staying Solo

Fleur Butler defends the single life…

Why is it that so many loved-up couples spend most of their time trying to convince us single folk that being with a partner is so much better than going solo? Get real - one of the first things you forget when you’re in a relationship is what it was actually like being single. So how would they know?

When you’re single you can do what you want, when you want. You don’t have to think before you speak and you don’t have to spend 70% of you’re time doing things you don’t really want to do. However, it’s staying single that’s the tricky thing. Pretty soon, if you’re not careful, you’ll be staying in and watching countless episodes of ‘Lost’ and wading through cookery books for a recipe to cook for the weekend. Sounds harsh? Then let LIFE give you a few essential tips on staying single. Remember, there’s 2,360,000 of you out there in London already, so you’re not alone!

The Golden Rule
Strange as it may seem, the golden rule about staying single is to avoid nightclubs altogether! A recent survey revealed that a staggering 19% of people met their future partners in a club – so if getting hitched isn’t your thing, stay clear of the dancefloor.

But how can this be possible? A room full of drunken women and sweaty blokes doesn’t exactly add up to a romantic scene does it?  Let’s rewind to beginning of the night when everyone is fresh out of the shower, make-up and hair done, clothes carefully chosen, smelling great and ready for a big night out. Let’s recap – what is the purpose of your night?

• To go out with your mates and go wild (tick)
• To find someone attractive by the end of the night and get it on (er, tick)
• To get hitched- hell no!

So why are the chances of finding a future partner in a club so high? Obviously, it has something to do with the fact that that swallowing copious amounts of alcohol and drugs tend to make people do stupid things – like finding some people more attractive and charming than they actually are. Not dissing the one night stands, but this state of mind does give the more ‘cosmetically challenged’ individuals out there a chance to nip up the evolutionary ladder a few rungs by being able bed those who would be completely out of their league. So, not only are you putting your singlehood on the line by entering a club, you’re also fair game for the uglies. Be warned!

Singles Survival Guide
So what can you do. You’re having a great time in the nightclub when you get stuck in conversation with Quasimodo. It’s time to observe the following methods of detachment:

• Pretend that your mobile is ringing/vibrating
• Conveniently fall asleep
• Duck to the toilet and never return
• Start dancing in a way that would embarrass anyone
• Pretend to off to find a pen to get his/her phone number (careful this can backfire, if you bump into the person again)
• If you are far too wasted to think up an excuse, simply and honestly just wander off, make no excuses…you don’t have to- you’re wasted.

Remember, the modern day hedonist lives life to the full. You also have a duty to wind up any person in a relationship by living life to the full. Take no survivors, stay single at all costs!

Slang:

Booze, juice, sauce, grog, piss

Background:

Alcohol is produced by fermenting fruits, vegetables or grains. It is found in drinks like beer, lager, wine, alcopops, cider, and spirits such as whiskey or gin. Alcoholic drinks range in strength and are measured as a percentage (%) per volume. The higher the percentage, the stronger the effect.

The effects:

• Over 90% of the adult population enjoy a drink. For most people, alcohol has a relaxing effect and helps them feel more sociable.
• It can become a problem for some when they drink as a way of blotting out difficult or troubling issues in their lives.
• In increasing quantities, speech can become slurred, co-ordination affected and emotions heightened.
• The intensity of the effects depends on the strength of the alcoholic drink, plus the rate and amount consumed.
• Other factors that influence the effects of alcohol include the weight of the drinker, their mood and surroundings and how recently they ate.
• Hangovers make you feel ill for a period of time, usually hours but sometimes even for days.

The risks:

• Alcohol is a depressant drug. If you're feeling down, it will make you feel worse.
• A regular, long term drinking habit can lead to physical as well as psychological dependency.
• Tolerance can develop, which means you need more to get the same effect.
• A long term, heavy drinking habit may cause serious damage to internal organs. It can also cause skin problems, trembling (the shakes), obesity, brain damage, mood swings and personality changes.
• Getting very drunk can lead to loss of consciousness. Users then have a slight risk of choking to death on their own vomit.
• Drinking too much can lead to alcohol poisoning. This can kill, although it is fairly rare.

The law:

It is illegal to sell alcohol to anyone under 18 (unless they're 16-17 and eating a meal in a restaurant). The legal limit for driving in the UK is 80mg of alcohol per 100ml of blood. The number of drinks it takes to reach this level varies from person to person. Safety experts advise people not to drink at all if they are going to drive.

If you are planning on drinking:

• Men who drink more than half to two pints of lager/beer, or three glasses of wine a day run the risk of serious health problems.
• Women should not exceed a pint or a couple of glasses of wine per day.
• Mixing alcohol with other drugs is seriously dangerous. This is because drink serves to slow down the nervous system (controlling heart and breathing rate). Combined with other depressant drugs, it could see the body shut down altogether.